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This came across my RSS feed courtesy of Andie’s blog:

Being involved with church choir  (and directing the student choir at my church for a year), this song has become the bane of my choir existence.  Thank God that we only have to play it once per year, but if you ask me that’s twice too much.  Stephen Colbert perfectly articulates how I feel about this song:

I’m beginning day 4 here in New Orleans.  The conference has been going into it’s third day (second full day) now.  For the most part things are going pretty well.  I had the opportunity to experience New Orleans in a very unique way.

We got the opportunity to witness the devastation of Hurricane Katrina first-hand by getting on a bus and being led around the city by residents of New Orleans.  I was asked to write a reflection on my trip for the conference newsletter, which best captures my thought of the trip:

Sixteen months after Hurricane Katrina, the headlines seldom remind us of the devastation brought by this storm. After witnessing the destruction first-hand through the bus tour, the impact of this national tragedy resonates through my heart and the hearts of students from all parts of the nation.

Students watched in awe yesterday as we entered the 9th Ward. It became difficult to count the boarded and standing houses, that remain empty to this day. Emotion overcame us as we saw an “X” marked on each house, each documenting the victims left by the storm. In our own homes, the opening of a new store brings a new place to buy material goods. However, here in New Orleans the reopening of a simple grocery signifies hope, a symbol of rebuilding and resurrection.

The narrators offered a first-hand account in many ways. We could hear their anguish – but above all – their pride for their community, and their determination to overcome adversity. In the midst of destruction, light was revealed to us in the form of the Musicians Village. Marked by vibrant Easter egg colors, these homes embodied new life delivered from death. In many ways, we witnessed the “Deltas of Change” through the eyes of the New Orleans survivors.

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Musician’s Village

I took a few pictures from the bus and posted them on Flickr.

Last night we also got to experience something called the "Second Line", which is a New Orleans celebratory procession.  Led by a big marching band, 700 students danced and marched along the streets of New Orleans, ending up at Jackson’s Square by Bourbon Street.  It turned out to be a blast.  People were hoisting people on their shoulders and dancing in the streets.  I raised my friend Sarah onto my shoulders and managed to carry her for about 5 blocks.  I was surprised that my shoulders could sustain for that long. As we were marching the streets, people came out onto the balconies to cheer and throw out beads.  It was an amazing sight!

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p align=”center”>More pictures on Flickr

Today there were plans to do a lot of service projects throughout the city, but they have been canceled due to rain.  We’re just sitting in our hotel rooms now, and I’m spending some time catching up on work.

Note: The following is simply a reflection of my initial thoughts and feelings througout my own personal discernment process, and is not intended to serve as an account of the process or disclose any private comments that were made during this process.

The leadership discernment process is over, and the basic result is that I was not selected at the chairperson.  I definitely am holding a bag of mixed emotions within me at this point, feelings that are extremely important to process.  One side of me is very relieved and very joyous. I am happy with the result and the person whom was called forth to be chair.  I have a sense of relief because I no longer need to fret about the balance of my schedule, the stress of a larger sense of responsibility, and the grief of giving up some of the duties I most enjoy (i.e. maintaining the web site).  A large part of me is joyous.

Still, there is a sense of disappointment, and my initial confidence in my abilities & perceived value is definitely shaken from this experience.  Throughout the rest of the day I’ve been left to question whether I was the only one that felt called to put my name out there as chairperson.  Before the final selection process, I made some comments that may have been perceived as radical.  I was definitely honest in my view of the challenges facing this organization, and I think the suggestions I offered may have simply been too radical and challenging – the changes too drastic, to the people listening.  I am left to wonder whether I would have been truly better of keeping my mouth shut when it came time to offer suggestions.

I feel I definitely offer a unique perspective in this process.  Being a non-traditional student with over 6 years of involvement in Campus Ministry has definitely shaped me differently.  My struggles with Campus Ministry at J23 have given me some unique experiences from which I base my motivation and advocacy.

In the end I wonder if I am better for the experience for participating in this experience.  This is the second year I’ve participated and in a joking way I can say I’m 0-2 in this process.  I would like to think of it as God calling me to be doing something different, to devote my energies elsewhere (God knows I have enough else going on at this point).  I am ultimately glad I stepped forward and put my name out there, but there is defintely a degree of doubt and pain I’ve taken from this process.

One of the things we’re doing here in Dallas is discerning the next chairperson for NCSC.  Right now I am spending time contemplating what gifts/attributes are needed for the chairperson, and whether I myself and called to serve in this role – of if I feel someone else exhibits those qualities.

These are just some random notes that I am writing down, for the sole benefit of getting something "on paper".  Some of this may just be a braindump, and in the end I’m not sure just how understandable this will be.

I find myself going back and forth as to whether I really feel called to this position.  I look at where NCSC is at, I look at many opportunities and struggles and I see how I could plug in effortlessly into this position and serve the NCSC well.  I think I have a lot of really good ideas, some really good vision as to how the NCSC is run, and do get excited about the opportunity to serve Catholic students on a national level.

At the same time, my overbearing schedule rings in my head like a loud church bell.  I step back and look at the fact that I’m working 40+ hours per week, going to school, playing in a band and now starting a new business – do I really have time available for this?  Is it fair for me to take on something this big – when I think about my relationship with Bethany?  Am I setting myself up for failure by taking on too much.

I know I do a lot of NCSC work right now, and that it simply might just be interchanged with more NCSC work, but is this what I’m really called to do?  Can I be effective at this?  Right now I know there are things that I could improve upon in my current position in NCSC, is it right for me to move on to something else?  Would I be happy doing this kind of work?  There’s a part of me that really wonders if it would be best for me to be off in my own corner, simply do web site and tech development.

Last year I discerned for the National Chair position, and things didn’t go quite as well as I would have hoped.  I am extremely supportive of the result of last year’s discernment, but where I struggled was the part where people reflected on my gifts and what I brought to the group.  I was shocked that the gifts that people didn’t name the gifts I wanted them to name.  I thought as myself as a visionary, organized and detailed person, and it felt like people couldn’t see past my technological abilities.  Part of me doesn’t really want to put myself out there because the same thing will likely happen again.  It’s not that I don’t mind people thinking I’m a tech geek, but it frustrates me when it seems like people don’t see past that.

I would appreciate any advice and prayers over the next few days.

I write this as I am sitting outside by the hotel pool, enjoying some sunshine as we’re waiting for our airport shuttle pick-up (you gotta love the free wireless).  In less than an hour, we will be making our way back to LAX, and beginning the journey home.  I thought it may be fitting to offer some initial reflections from this weekend.

LA Congress in General:  Wow…  As my fourth Congress draws to a close, I am left with quite a bit to process.  This is probably the first year that I didn’t become completely overwhelmed by Congress, but do to a conscious awareness of my boundaries.  I ended up skipping out of 3 of my 8 workshops, as well as not really spending a lot of time walking the exhibit floor.  I spent two workshops sleeping, and the last one I missed to have lunch with some friends.  I really felt like I spent this time taking care of my needs, rather than getting a lot of out of the experience.  I have been here three years before and I’ll likely be back next year.   I saw the speakers that I wanted to see, have quite a bit to ponder, but I feel a sense of being relaxed as well.  While I am not looking forward to begin another busy week, I feel more rested and healthy coming back from this Congress.

Coming with a large group:  After the first year I came here, I was able to convince friends of my to return with me, one by one.  This year, not only did we have four people from Fort Collins going, but we also had 5 students from New Mexico, as well as making connections with many other students in the Southern California area.  We had three hotel rooms full of people, and I think that also added to a lot of my desire to find rest and take care of myself.  I loved having everyone there, but there was also a sense of chaos when all of us were together in the rooms.  I laughed a lot, had a lot of fun, had a lot of great discussions, but I didn’t sleep as much or as well as I would have hoped.  It was really interesting to vicariously watch Congress unfold through their eyes, and through their experiences I felt re-energized and enthusiastic.

My Workshops:  Out of the five workshops that I went to, I found them to be very challenging.  Each previous year that I went to Congress, I always came with some sort of mission in mind.  One year it was music ministry, another year it was working on confirmation.  This year, I really had a clean slate and a sense of openness.  I signed up for a bunch of random workshops and really didn’t have any occurring theme.  The workshops were very random, but also very challenging and left me with quite a bit to think about.

The first workshop I attended talked about evaluation your parish leadership structure, talking a lot about Pastoral Councils and styles of leadership.  I found the information very intriguing, but given the status of things at John XXIII, I really didn’t see any possibility of applying what I had learned.  While I was very inspired, I was disappointed that I won’t be able to apply any of my knowledge.

The second workshop I attended dealt with the three marriages in life: work, self & to another.  I really appreciated some of the imagery in the workshop, but I really didn’t feel like I could really connect well.  The speaker provided some very poetic and descriptive imagery to wrap some words around some things I’m struggling with, but at the same time he didn’t really speak to me the way I really needed to hear things.

My third workshop talked a lot about "Growing up in faith".  The speaker, while excellent, made some very challenging statements about the differences between a child-like faith and an adult faith.  Going through his list, I was able to pinpoint a lot of different areas, and where I fit into those relative areas.  He also brought into perspective the fact that our leaders (clergy) within the Church need to also "grow up in faith", and adopt a model where we identify ourselves with Christ the person, rather than the institution of Church Dogma.  Definitely more to ponder about this one…

My fourth session was a thought-provoking panel discussion about Homosexuality and Celibacy.  The perspectives offered were very challenging, and I found myself agreeing with most of what was said.  They talked about how the Church has been pretty ineffective in pinpointing the actual issues in the abuse scandal: rather than  looking at the core issue of pedophilia and the patterns of abuse, many Church officials blame homosexuality.  They also brought a lot of clarity about the recent news from the Vatican about Homosexuality and the Institution, and I also appreciated that they offered a lot of solutions to dealing with the issues.  I definitely am left with more to think about this as well.

My final session was very light-hearted and turned out to be a great way to end Congress: covering "Movies that will send your spirit free".  The speaker talked about 6 mainstream movies and some of the different ways they could connect to faith.  I’ve been to many movie/media presentations before, and what I appreciated was some of the "higher-level" perspective that was offered during this presentation. I ended up buying his book after his session.  I’m very anxious to read over his list of "50 movies that matter".

Spending…  I’m pleased with the amount I spent, or rather the amount that I didn’t spend  during the conference.  Aside from my annual greeting card reloading, I only bought the aforementioned book, as well as a gift for Bethany.  This probably is largely due to the fact that I am handling all of the hotel and NCSC reception costs, and while people are helping cover costs, I still have this fear that I’m putting a lot more on my credit card than I currently think.  I’m anxious to get home and do the book-keeping for this weekend…  Probably won’t be good.

So as I am getting ready to depart from Anaheim/Los Angeles and head back home, I am grateful for my wonderful experiences this weekend, but I also am anxious to be back home.