Back in 2020, I rode 39 miles for my 39th birthday. For this year, I marked the occasion by adding three miles. While I rode to Greeley in 2020, I opted to stay in town and do some laps around Windsor using the Poudre River Trail and the other great bike trails here in Windsor. Many great bike trails fell victim to our rainy June, but I was certain of the Windsor trail conditions. I also wanted to invite friends to join me, and figured people might be willing to join me for part of the ride if they didn’t have to worry about getting there and back.
I rode the “Windsor Loop” three times today, which spans about 13 miles each time. I also rode an additional 3 miles to meet up with my friends and back home. In the end, I rode 43.1 miles.
I departed my house at 7am and headed up to meet my friends Brett, Joanna, and Julia. With the highs in the upper 80’s, we were anxious to start early and beat the heat as much as possible. We headed out and started our first loop around Windsor, then stopped at Windsor Lake Coffee, where we met up with Shannon and her son. We did our second loop around Windsor, ending at my house to change my GoPro battery and re-apply sunscreen. Our final lap consisted of riding the Windsor Loop in the opposite direction, with me doing the last 1.5 miles on my own.
I got to capture a few fun pictures of the day:
Finally, I played with my GoPro’s Timelapse mode and constructed a video of part of the ride. There were certain points when the battery died, as well as times when the camera mount slouched toward the road, but it does a great job showcasing some of the great trails in my community!
Overall, I’m very blessed to be able to ride as far as I did, along with such amazing company along the journey. Here’s to 42!
Last month I was lucky enough to both play and see some amazing bands at the Fort Collins Music Experiment – FoCoMX. Due to my single dad duties, I was only able to go on Friday – the night that I played. Playing obviously entails packing my gear before and after, it really limited my ability to get out and see some other bands that night. Unfortunately, I was only able to photograph three acts.
One of those acts was The Pamlico Sound, a funk band that I subbed in for a short time before my daughters were born. In following that band, it’s been inspiring to watch them resolve their issues and transform themselves into a staple in the Northern Colorado funk scene.
They performed in front of New Belgium Brewing Company, an awesome outdoor space! The shade and shadows made for a bit of a challenge, but I hope I captured the gist of the energy that was there.
One year ago, I sat down to type out my Closing Chapters post, my way of announcing the finalization of my divorce to my world. It seems only fitting to look back on this last year and take stock of the growth and challenges from it.
Over the last year, I’ve contemplated a scene from the pilot of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, “Emissary”. The clip is below and worth watching, but I’ll give you the gist of it and try not to be too Trekie:
Commander Sisko is trying to explain linear time to these wormhole aliens that exist outside of time. Throughout his dialog, the aliens manifest people and moments of Sisko’s life. However, there’s one moment – his wife’s death during a ship attack – that is too painful a memory for Sisko, yet he keeps being brought back there by the aliens.
Their response: “… but you exist here.”
At that moment, Sisko realizes that he never really left the pain of that traumatic moment, and let it dictate his life from that point. He lived, existed, there.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – “Emissary”
While my ex-wife is very much alive, this scene resonates with me in the way I grieved the end of my marriage, and I often asked myself contemplating questions like, “Do I exist here? Do I keep returning to this moment? How does this trauma define who I am today?“
Watching movies like Across The Spiderverse and The Flash has left me wondering how we often use trauma and tragedy in our own lives to shape the future we’re trying to build. I’ve done a lot of contemplating, praying, and feeling over the last year, channeling my emotions towards healthy growth and development of wisdom as I’m writing my next chapter.
Today also marks the day that I finally finished the most painful book I ever read. It was over a year ago when my therapist recommended I read The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel to better understand the choices my wife made, leading her to abandon our marriage. I purchased the audiobook and figured it would be a relatively quick read*, like the other books on marriage and divorce I read throughout this process. I quickly found out that this book was the equivalent of eating raw Brussels sprouts: it would ultimately be good for my health, but it was a matter of dealing with the very bitter taste.
* Yes, I consider listening to an audiobook “reading” and consider “reading” and “listening” synonymous terms.
Every chapter forced me painfully reenact the events of my divorce. I found it harrowing, filling me with painful emotions that ultimately soured upon every read. I quickly learned that I couldn’t bear to read it while my kids were with me, and when they were gone, I somehow found ways to avoid reading this book.
However, after getting through the initial flood of emotions, this book ultimately provided insight and helped me reflect on the choices that my wife made at the end of our marriage, and the impacts they had on me, both then and now. I also thought a lot about the ways I contributed to setting the conditions to allow this trauma to take place. By no means did I agree with everything Perel wrote, but I found this book a painfully necessary read and would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone else that has experienced infidelity in their relationship.
In the same vein, I would like to offer an empathic ear and supportive shoulder for anyone else who had this happen in their own relationship. This feels like an embarrassing subject to discuss with your friends, but I’ve found so much strength through the establishment of my support system. I’m here, in large part, through the kindness of my family, old friends, and new friends that have grown through this experience. I’m so grateful and hope that I can continue to pay it forward.
I don’t want to leave you with the impression that this last year has been sheer misery – it’s been far from it. Over this year, I’ve learned so much about myself, my strength and abilities, as well as my deficiencies – learning when and how to ask for help. As someone who is pridefully self-sufficient, humility and asking for help has been the toughest and most rewarding lesson that I’ve learned.
I’ve also learned more about the strength of my daughters, which inspires me to no end. I previously detailed some of my struggles as a single father and prevent me from being physically present at all times. Christmas this year, without them there, was a particularly harrowing experience, and I’ll admit that I didn’t even get out of bed until the day was half over. I’ve also been awed by the ways we form new memories with my family of three, unlocking laughter and joy out of normalcy and everyday tasks. My girls are such a blessing in my life.
I’ve also been lucky to share love and affection with Shannon, through our relationship which continues to flourish and blossom. Also victimized by infidelity in her marriage, Shannon and I connected through the darkness of shared grief and have cultivated that into something that has been very life-giving for both of us. I’m lucky to share this journey with her and am blessed to have her in my life.
Looking back, one year later, the word would have to be “building”. I’m incredibly blessed and have experienced amazing growth as a father, in my work life, in my passions, and in my relationships. I’ve had my share of tough days and setbacks, but ultimately am so very lucky to lead the life I’ve been given and look forward to existing in new spaces.
Happy Father’s Day, to all of my fellow dads! Today I’m reflecting on my 10th time being honored on this day and my second as a single dad after an unexpected divorce.
In the last 18 months of being a single dad, I’ve had to grapple with the fact that I’m now prevented from keeping my original promise when they were born: I would always be there for them. I’ve had to adjust that promise from always being physically present to being emotionally and spiritually present in their lives. Often I feel guilty about the situation they’re in, and the ways they’ve been asked to adjust, in some ways, grow up more quickly than I would have hoped. I never asked to be a co-parent, and they never asked to split time between homes, yet here we all are.
Shannon and I were talking about Father’s Day and how ironic that many celebrate Mother’s and Father’s Days by the spouse giving the honoree the day off, away from parental duties. However, now being a single father, the parental duties are what made it an incredible Father’s Day. While it was still jarring to wake up without my daughters, with no Father’s Day snuggles, having them over in the morning and cooking breakfast together was a blessing. It touched my heart to get handwritten cards from them with beautiful messages. I loved playing Just Dance with them and having them make fun of my dancing abilities. I loved helping Clara make the Banana Ice Cream she had been wanting to make for weeks, then making them lunch. In the morning that we spent together, I had no downtime – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As a single parent, I’ve really come to appreciate the love conveyed through the mundane tasks of each day, and how everyday activities become opportunities for learning and expressing love. I’ve learned that my love language is doing nice things for others, and I relish every opportunity to express it for my daughters.
It wasn’t easy when 12:30 rolled around and I realized that my allotted “Father’s Day” time was over, and now they return to the normal co-parenting schedule: my weekend without them. These long stretches, when I’m without my kids, try my soul. I’ve managed to fill the void with a lot of healthy outlets, relationships, and activities, but it still feels like a big part of my heart is missing until my girls are back home.
It goes without saying that I realize I’ll always be their Father, and my girls know that I’m only a video call away – but there is no replacing the joy I experience when I get to share the same space with them. I’m grateful that I got to spend Father’s Day parenting my daughters and relish every chance I get.
Look ma, I’m a TikTok star, or at least trying to be. Not really.
“Guess this song by its Drum Track.”
During the pandemic, when I couldn’t practice with my band, I played around with playing drum parts to some famous songs and posting them on Instagram and Facebook. It was a fun game and a good excuse to spend some time behind the drum kit, but I shelved the idea after a month.
This winter I decided to pick it back up to experiment with short-form video sharing on Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts, and TikTok. Now, over fifty videos later, I’ve learned a lot about reproducing drum tracks and these video-sharing platforms.
Choosing and Recording the Track
Not just any song can work for “Guess this”. The song needs to be relatively popular and have a distinctive beat or groove that can be recognized by non-drummers. That’s proven to be easier said than done, especially with songs within the last decade. As rock has been dying out, current pop songs are produced beats that simply repeat the same two measures. Using the iOS reminders app, I’ve put together a running list using my iOS reminders app of primarily rock songs over the last 50 years, and add to it as I encounter them.
My list of drum tracks
I’ve recorded my share of drum tracks, where I pay homage and offer my interpretation of the song. Approaching these songs, however, requires me to be faithful as possible to the original recordings, trying to emulate them to the best ability. Also, unlike a drum cover, I don’t need to nail the whole song, just aim for a solid 40-60 second segment for the video.
I do have to admit to cheating a bit: I load the original song into the Digital Audio Workstation (DAW) and record my take alongside the regular drum track. It helps keep me in check and enables me to compare the two parts. While I’m doing that, I load the track into the Moises App which enables me to break down the different instruments and create a drumless track. I then export the track back into the DAW, align it with the original then export the rendered track with my drums, followed by exporting a “drums only” track with the drums muted. All the while, I have my phone on the tripod, taking a video of the performance.
Once I have my footage, I import them into Adobe Premiere, line up the audio, and look for that distinctive 45-60 second clip I can use. I then find a point about 30-40 seconds into the song where I can transition from the “drums only” clip to reveal the song. After applying an audio fade between the tracks, I export the video and get it back onto my phone using OneDrive.
Posting the video
At this point, I have a rendered video with the final audio, but I now need to insert the clues. I’ve made it a point to use each video platform’s editing tools to apply the text, as I’ve read that videos are exported at a lower quality having the watermark can make the video perform worse.
Starting with Instagram, I import the video and get to work on the text.
The title: “Guess this song by its drum track.”
The year it was released
The genre – I usually get this from the Wikipedia entry
After setting up the text, I set the duration, starting with the hint so that it appears for 8-10 seconds before the full song kicks in. I then work my way backward, setting the genre and release year around 5 seconds each. I leave the title up but have it disappear once the song is revealed. Before I move to the next screen, I copy the hint into Clipboard++ so that I can use it in the other apps. I go to the posting screen and set my title to “Guess this song by its drum track: “, increment the number, add some tags, then publish the video out into the world.
I then go to TikTok and Youtube and repeat the above steps.
Lessons I’ve Learned
These video platform algorithms are complete crapshoots, but I’ve noticed some trends in each platform:
Instagram has shown the most variance in my performance. My floor has around 250 views, my average is between 800-1000 views, and I’ve had a handful of videos go over 10k views (my highest being 14.4k). I also share the Reel on Facebook and those views tend to be in the 100-500 range.
TikTok has the lowest number of views, but the highest number of likes and comments. As far as views, I have videos that haven’t reached 100 views, but most tend to top out between 250-300. My highest-viewed video was at 2,200.
YouTube Shorts is the quickest to accumulate views but always tops out below 1,500. I’ve had a few videos that are duds out of the gate, at less than 40 views. The comments on YouTube are the meanest by far.
As far as video posting mobile apps, YouTube has the best editor for what I’m doing (which is quickly setting durations of text layers). Instagram’s Reels interface had the steepest learning curve, especially when it comes to setting durations.
My videos seem warmly received, for the most part. As I mentioned, YouTube commenters are especially critical, which increases with the popularity of the song. I’ve learned to simply remove the mean comments and not even warrant a response, but I swear that as soon as I remove a comment, YouTube slows down the view exposure.
I was worried that I would run out of songs, but after doing this for over 4 months, the number of songs on my “ToDo” list outnumbers the ones I’ve done. At this point, I’ve found this to be a really fun way to improve my drumming and play in this video space. It’s been a great outlet and I’m looking forward to the next 50!
Whether you use TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube shorts, I’d love for you to check out my videos and see how many you can get! I’m also taking song suggestions as well!
